Hero to Zero

Since moving back to the states I haven't written much about adjustments, reverse culture shock and everything else that comes with the huge transitions that Haike and I have been facing. To be honest, I've just been too overwhelmed. Tonight, I feel compelled to write about one particular case of reverse culture shock that I started experiencing yesterday and that I was able to pinpoint after getting home from work this evening.

Seven days ago I started a new job - basically an entry-level, front desk girl position in the admissions department for a professional psychology graduate school in downtown Chicago. I'm incredibly grateful to have the job, especially after the stories I've heard about how long people are waiting in this less than ideal economy. So, please keep in mind that I am grateful for the job, the possibilities to move up in the department, even potentially to work with international students in the future.

For the past two days, though, I've been in a big slump during and after work and I think I figured out why. When I lived in China, I was the center of attention ALL THE TIME. Ironically, this is one of the things that I was most uncomfortable with and I certainly don't miss the constant stares and all-too-obvious conversations among strangers focused on me. Along with the negative attention, though, I also received a ton of positive attention: I was continually asked to be an "English expert" in various ways, I was always treated like a guest and was usually the first to be approached and befriended in a new situation. My picture was all over the city - on buses, in movie theaters, on LCD screens throughout the city, even as a life-sized cut-out in my school:


I was special, unique, different and rare.

Enter new job. I am the lowest on the totem pole, the new girl. I'm the girl who took over a work study student position so most people think I am a student and they treat me like one. I'm the girl who is totally, completely normal with nothing special to make me stand-out. I'm the girl who entered into an environment where relationships and friendships are already established. I'm the girl who sits at the front desk, which is actually in a hallway, with almost no co-worker interaction and a lot of lonely hours with only my computer to accompany me. In short, I'm just not a big deal anymore! It's a complete and total change from the last 3.5 years of my life and, I'm afraid, it's going to be one of the biggest adjustments for me.

I truly don't want to sound ungrateful because I am grateful for the position. However, I do want to share some little pieces of how reverse culture shock is affecting me.

Can anyone out there relate?