Journey to Chicago: The Long and Winding Road

Haike and my decision to return to the states began quite a long time ago and our story was complete with beginning, middle, main events, rising, falling, a climax and finally an end. Completion. During the whole process we were reluctant to talk about it too much and I definitely didn't want to write about it on here due to the sensitivity that surrounds getting a green card. Now, I think it is safe to recall and reflect on some of our struggles, victories and emotions that started in August 2009 and lasted until November 14, 2010, the day in which our combined sigh of relief could be heard in neighborhoods throughout the world.

In August 2009 Haike traveled to Iowa with me to meet my family and friends. We had two amazing weeks of meeting people, seeing new things, appreciating the beauty of travel and learning a ton about each other. We liked what we learned. When I returned to China in the middle of September we hit the ground running, knowing that we wanted to spend our lives together and getting very excited to figure out what the next step should be. In order for us to have the maximum amount of flexibility regarding where we lived in the future we knew that Haike would need a professional graduate degree from the states. Without that, our chances of living and working in the states would be much slimmer as it would likely be very difficult for him to find a good job. Considering that Haike already thought he was too old to go back to school, we decided that we should act quickly and so we made a plan....our system was developed.

During the months of September - December we abandoned any social life that we had and concentrated on preparing for the future. Haike and I spent countless nights sitting on the couch next to each other, laptops upon laps, snacks within reach and tabs opened and booked on our screens like a 5-star hotel during the summer Olympics. While I searched for grad schools and programs and researched possible job opportunities within each program, Haike studied night after night for the TOEFL exam (the standard English test for non-native speakers which nearly every U.S. school requires) and the GMAT's. I narrowed the schools down to 6 and all the applications, required essays, competitive test scores and paperwork were carefully and precisely turned into each school by January 15th, 2010. What most Chinese students will spend at least one year on (preparing for two exams and finishing applications) we accomplished in the short span of 4 months. We also did all of this without the help of a grad school agency or exam-preparation agency. Most students will hire at least one, usually both, of these agencies and pay them a ton of money to walk them through the process. The agencies will write personal statements for the students and fill out all of their applications. They will even write recommendations for the students based on a standard form that they use for everyone. How can anyone ever stand out as being unique or specialized??

In the midst of all of this, Haike proposed and wedding planning shifted into full gear. When would we get a break? Not for a long, long time....

To be continued...

Nice to Meet You - Welcome to the Family!

Nearly a year after our Thailand wedding (we celebrate our one year anniversary this weekend!) Haike and I finally got the chance to celebrate our marriage with my family back in the states. Due to all of our visa delays (more to come on this, I promise!) we had to postpone the reception in Iowa three times and so when we finally had it on April 16th of this year, we were ready to party!

We decided to have a fairly casual reception - no ceremony - so we rented out a reception hall on a golf course near my hometown and invited my family (over 80 people when they're all counted up!) and friends. About 170 people came out to celebrate, have dinner and dance the night away with us. It was such a wonderful evening and it represented the 'final piece' to just being married and not planning any more celebrations. On a side note - since we got engaged in December 2009, I have been continuously planning a wedding ceremony or reception. You may remember that, along with Thailand, we had two other receptions in China. Altogether that's 17 months of constantly thinking about and planning for the next big event! Exhausting! Now that it's all over, I've moved on to trying to plan my engaged friend's wedding, haha! I think event planning might be a good career choice for me....

Back to the reception... Haike and I decided to keep with our ceremony/reception theme of meshing both our cultures into the events of the night. Chopsticks and rice were used in the decorations...



We taught 'ganbei' to the entire group of people gathered so guests were wandering all over during dinner to 'ganbei' or 'toast' other tables full of people. We also kept with the Chinese tradition of several outfit changes...although we only did this tradition on a small scale with 3 outfit changes. Some Chinese brides change up to 7 or 8 times in one evening!!!! After changing, not only the dress, but accessories, shoes, hair pieces, undergarments and having assigned sisters and bridesmaids to help out with each outfit change, I can't imagine having to do it 4 or 5 more times!! Enough is enough! :)

I started out in my white wedding dress (who actually gets to wear that expensive dress twice?!!? This girl!)


Then, we changed into our Chinese attire.


And, finally, dancing clothes!


So, I mentioned that I have approximately 80 family members, right? Well...of course not all of them could make it to the reception and Haike had met several already, but there were a LOT of introductions going on that night - "Haike, meet my uncle, cousin, cousin's girlfriend, etc, etc..." Nothing like being tossed into a huge family! As I knew they would, everyone loved Haike and he loved meeting everyone.

In a very unexpected surprise my stepbrother, Taylor, and brother-in-law, Dave, provided the most touching and thoughtful gift of the evening. Right after the dance started they asked Haike to join them up by the DJ during a break in the music. Dave started out by handing Haike a gift and saying, "We know it's not signed by D. Rose but it is signed by everyone in your new family and we just want you to know that we are here for you." Taylor then added, "Shannon has always been like a real sister to me and I am so glad to have another brother." Haike opened his gift - a basketball signed by every single one of my family members at the reception. We learned later that Taylor had even bought a Mandarin dictionary and had practiced saying his part in Chinese but got too nervous when it came time. For me, it was the most beautiful moment of the night and still makes my heart lurch with gratitude whenever I think about it. I don't know that I'll ever be able to properly express to them how special that was but, Dave and Taylor, if you read this I hope you know.


The basketball is proudly displayed in our dining room - a constant reminder that we have a very special family, split between two continents, but joined together by a common thread. Incredible.

Unique Connections

It's no secret that my 'relationship' with China has provided me with a wealth of experiences, opportunities, friendships - even love! It's also no secret that moving back to the states has been a huge adjustment and has left me lacking the flow of words onto this blog. As I ponder my 3.5 years in China I find that sorting out my large range of feelings and reflecting on them through writing has been an overwhelming task. I've been trying to change that, with little progress, but suddenly this week, thanks to an article that showed up twice on my radar, I feel encouraged to write. I can't promise anything especially enlightening or entertaining but I do feel as though it's the first (big) step back into the blogosphere.

This week an article popped up on my Google Reader (where I keep up-to-date on all the blogs that I follow) about the new 'trend' of Western women marrying Chinese men. My friend, Jen, sent me the same article a few days later. Up until that moment I didn't realize just how unique the connections I've made really are. In the article published by China Daily - http://usa.chinadaily.com.cn/epaper/2011-05/29/content_12604213.htm - three Western women are highlighted as examples of how this lifestyle is becoming more and more common. Out of the three, I know two of the women and have communicated with them through our network of blogs. Jocelyn Eikenburg, http://www.speakingofchina.com/ has given me advice and encouragement on marrying a Chinese man and on transitioning back to the states, which she and her Chinese husband also did fairly recently. She has really been a leader in establishing a network of women, all over China, who can relate to each other and share stories, ideas and struggles with each other. I'm so thankful that I've become part of this unique group and that I have people who can truly relate to some of the situations I find myself in. In some ways they affirm to me that my very nontraditional marriage is actually just as normal as the next couple!

Look out ladies - the Chinese guys are making a name for themselves! And, in my personal opinion, you'd be smart to catch one while you can! :)