Hero to Zero

Since moving back to the states I haven't written much about adjustments, reverse culture shock and everything else that comes with the huge transitions that Haike and I have been facing. To be honest, I've just been too overwhelmed. Tonight, I feel compelled to write about one particular case of reverse culture shock that I started experiencing yesterday and that I was able to pinpoint after getting home from work this evening.

Seven days ago I started a new job - basically an entry-level, front desk girl position in the admissions department for a professional psychology graduate school in downtown Chicago. I'm incredibly grateful to have the job, especially after the stories I've heard about how long people are waiting in this less than ideal economy. So, please keep in mind that I am grateful for the job, the possibilities to move up in the department, even potentially to work with international students in the future.

For the past two days, though, I've been in a big slump during and after work and I think I figured out why. When I lived in China, I was the center of attention ALL THE TIME. Ironically, this is one of the things that I was most uncomfortable with and I certainly don't miss the constant stares and all-too-obvious conversations among strangers focused on me. Along with the negative attention, though, I also received a ton of positive attention: I was continually asked to be an "English expert" in various ways, I was always treated like a guest and was usually the first to be approached and befriended in a new situation. My picture was all over the city - on buses, in movie theaters, on LCD screens throughout the city, even as a life-sized cut-out in my school:


I was special, unique, different and rare.

Enter new job. I am the lowest on the totem pole, the new girl. I'm the girl who took over a work study student position so most people think I am a student and they treat me like one. I'm the girl who is totally, completely normal with nothing special to make me stand-out. I'm the girl who entered into an environment where relationships and friendships are already established. I'm the girl who sits at the front desk, which is actually in a hallway, with almost no co-worker interaction and a lot of lonely hours with only my computer to accompany me. In short, I'm just not a big deal anymore! It's a complete and total change from the last 3.5 years of my life and, I'm afraid, it's going to be one of the biggest adjustments for me.

I truly don't want to sound ungrateful because I am grateful for the position. However, I do want to share some little pieces of how reverse culture shock is affecting me.

Can anyone out there relate?

If You Are a Dreamer

"If you are a dreamer, come in.
If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hoper,
a prayer, a magic bean-buyer.
If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire,
for we have some flax-golden tales to spin.
Come in! Come in!"
*Shel Silverstein

I suppose the last two months of my life could be described as being full of invitations, hopes, prayers, dreams and even some tales by the fire. Its been up, down, around and around, inside-out and flippity-flopped. Life has been here, there, over, under and sometimes its been hard to see where the sidewalk ends. But Silverstein's advice is wise and Haike and I decided to follow it, through this nearly year-long visa process, to "walk with a walk that is measured and slow" and we made it - we reached "the place where the sidewalk ends." At least this particular sidewalk...for now...

You know, writing these blogs over the past three+ years has been therapeutic for me...a communication piece, an internal dialogue to reflect on experiences I've had, lessons I've learned and I plan on continuing the dialogue by writing here - some insights from things that happened while I was still in China and some new thoughts and feelings from being back in my home country with my Chinese husband...the U.S. through his eyes and my now-adjusted-to-be-clearer-than-ever-before eyes. The journey for us has just begun and I hope to share this "new adventure" with all of you.

Come in! Come in!

About Intercultural Marriage

My friend, Cindy, just started a new blog series that focuses on intercultural marriage and the many different facets of this unique relationship. Cindy grew up in Taiwan but went to an international school. She then went to college and grad school in the states where she met her American husband. She holds an Australian passport (long story...) She lived in China for 5 years and now lives back in Taiwan with her husband and two kids. She is possibly the only person I know who can exist and thrive in two different cultures - not just with the language but with the deep understanding of the culture. She has a ton to share with couples who are in the same situation, ie: me and Haike!! If you're interested, be sure to check out her blog...she already has three posts on this topic!

http://brandtsx4.blogspot.com/

I need to do some major blog updating over the next few weeks: trip to Hangzhou for a P.O.S.H. grand opening for an even posher(?) antique store, a visit from Natalie - you may remember her from my first year in Tianjin, where in the world are Shannon and Haike planning to be this next year and, at the end of the month, a visit from my dad! Exciting stuff!

Jay Chou: The Era 2010 World Tour

During the summer Haike and I joined some of his friends for a concert by "the most popular Chinese singer," as my students say. His name is Jay Chou and he is known for writing lyrics that are barely understandable...everyone loves the mystery of trying to figure out what he is singing about.

Jay Chou came to Tianjin on his 'world tour' and we decided to go...I thought it would likely be my only chance to see a Chinese superstar in action.

The concert was at Tianjin's Olympic Stadium and was "eh...okay." It was mostly a big display of lights and onstage sets with an array of special effects. Cool, but no cooler than "eh." The most entertaining part for me was measuring the size of Jay, as seen from our nosebleed section (approximately the size of a peanut) and trying to keep track of where he was on stage.



The other noteworthy part is that going to a Chinese concert is basically like a grandiose karaoke party. They stream all the words to every song on the large side screens so that the entire audience can sing along. In addition to the singing nearly every person has a glow stick which they wave back and forth to the beat of EVERY song. I'm serious, in 2 and 1/2 hours there was not one break from the waving! They must have an ice pack waiting to numb their arm after they return home.

My summary: Jay Chou's concert was a limb-oscillating, ballad-bursting, lyric-decoding, stage-scanning, luminous event!

Or something like that...

The Most Married

Would you believe that just 2 weeks after returning from our wedding extravaganza in Thailand we held a THIRD wedding reception? It's beginning to get a little excessive, don't you think? ;) We had little choice, though, as we wanted to celebrate with all of our friends and colleagues in Tianjin. This was especially important to Haike...he has lived in Tianjin, studying and working, for 12 years now and he has a lot of great friends and connections here. We talked about it and decided that we just couldn't pass on this celebration.

So, with 2 weeks to plan and arrange everything, we got to work! We first chose a restaurant nearby our apartment and reserved 8 tables - enough to seat 80 people. We carefully ordered the dishes (what dishes and how many to order is actually a real art here) and we sent out the invitiations - yep, just a little more than a week in advance. That'd never work in the States! We both had our Chinese wedding attire from our Hunan reception so that was no issue. We printed out a bunch of pictures from our Thailand wedding and made a huge collage so that everyone could have a look. Haike and his friend, Dabi, went to buy all of the drinks and alcohol the day before - in China it's okay (and preferred because it's cheaper) to take any drinks or additional food into a restuarant so we loaded up on the soft drinks, beer, wine and Chinese baijiu (hard liquor used for toasting) for the dinner. We also bought pounds and pounds of candy to pass out at the dinner. This is another Chinese custom - when a couple gets married they are expected to pass out candy to everyone they know! We put candy on all the tables and we also each took huge bags of candy to work the next day to hand out to all of our co-workers.

We held the reception on Sunday, July 4th at 6:00 pm. That day I invited two of my good friends, Joyce and Jane, from my old school to come early from Beijing to help me get ready. They arrived around noon and at 2:00 pm we went to a salon to get my hair done. They loved watching me get all fixed up and fought over who got to hold the bobby pins...haha! We went back to my apartment and they observed carefully while I did my make-up. Neither of them wear make-up but they're definitely interested in it! They were so fascinated and I taught them a few tricks so that they can do it themselves later. Then, I had them help me get into my qipao (Chinese dress) which ended up being no easy task...after lots of tugging, one of them standing on a chair and careful consideration to my hair and make-up, we were finally set to go!

Waiting to go to the restaurant...



We went over to the restaurant about an hour early and, let me tell you, I was like the main attraction in a parade! When I'm out and about everyday in Tianjin, I get a ton of stares...everyone wants to look. So, when I was all done up and wearing a Chinese dress this phenomena was escalated. As we walked to the restaurant I tried my best to blend in...ha! What a joke!

After arriving at the restaurant and finding our private room, we put some flowers for decoration and also the drinks and candy out on each table. We then went back to the entrance to greet our guests, take pictures with them and guide them to the room. They sat down and chatted with each other until we came back and both Haike and I gave short speeches to welcome everyone. Let the eating begin!

As custom during a Chinese wedding reception, we ordered WAY more food than the guests could possibly eat...we have to do this to show that we respect our guests by feeding them too much and not letting them leave with even the possibility of still being hungry. Haike said that we also do this to symbolize that we will have more than enough throughout our lives. It's a custom that I don't necessarily agree with but one that cannot be ignored. Another custom from a Chinese reception is that the bride and groom do not get to eat anything! The entire time we spent going from one table to the next, toasting our friends and colleagues and, in return, they gave us a hong bao (red envelope) with money. As the food began to layer into a pyramid shape on the lazy susan, the guests commented on how good the food was and how MUCH there was. Good for us!

At the party...Jane and Joyce.



Jasmine, a student from my new school.



After a few hours everyone started to drift away, saying goodbye to Haike or I as they went. Another custom...only the bride and groom's best friends stick around until the very end of the party...they are also the ones to help carry any gifts or extra drinks back to the apartment. So, at the end of the night when we finally got to sit down we were joined by Haike's good friends - those who had also joined us in Thailand. And since we didn't allow them the tradition of "playing jokes" on us in Thailand, they insisted that they help us take our things home and that they stay for a while once we got there. So, that's what we did! We trudged home and about 8 good friends stayed for another hour or so. It is tradition for the couple's best friends to play games with the new couple after the reception. Sometimes they have to yell things out the window...sometimes the woman lays down on her back and the man does push-ups over her...I don't know what else! Haike had to do 5 push-ups with me sitting on his back...and he did it! Strong husband! ;)

After those friends left at about 10:30 pm, our final visitors of the night showed up. I am sure you all remember my good friend Echo from Hangzhou...she came to Tianjin for the party! She brought her boyfriend along, too, so they came to chat with us for a while after everything else had settled down. It meant so much to me that she came - she flew for 2 hours just to stay in Tianjin for one night, then left the next morning. What a great friend!!

The night was a blast and it was so fun to celebrate with everyone here in Tianjin. Above all, it was such an amazing reminder to me that I have met so many wonderful Chinese people here in Tianjin...and when I remember this night I will remember that I got to share it with all of them!

A Slice of Heaven

If you ever make it to Krabi, Thailand and you want to stay in a place that is the best of the best, I have the greatest recommendation. Centara Grand Beach Resort and Villas - THE MOST amazing resort I've ever stayed in! http://www.centarahotelsresorts.com/ckbr/ckbr_default.asp

Centara is located on a private beach, only accessible by boat or 'monkey trail.' When you arrive by boat they take you to a floating dock...it is not anchored to the ground. Imagine walking on an inflatable air mattress. Then imagine throwing that air mattress into the ocean and trying to stabilize yourself as the waves come. Imagine wobbling across 300 air mattresses tied together until you reach the sand. The dock was something like that. It was so fun! Kristi laughed and laughed the whole way in. :)



The monkey trail is a 10 minute hike over some low foothills, climbing on very narrow and uneven steps. Haike and I took the trail into the city a few times and I realized that it really freaks me out at night! Unfortunately, my family also had the experience of taking the monkey trail on the day they left. It was raining and the sea was too rough for a boat to come in so they had no choice but to go over the monkey trail. It was a real sight to see the resort workers hoist the suitcases onto their shoulders - up and over they went (some of them barefoot!) The really nerve-racking part was that even my grandma had to do this. We worried about her but later heard the report that she tackled that trail with no problems! GO Grandma!!! :)

Our room at Centara was the Spa Ocean-Facing room. Gorgeous! We had a clear view of the ocean from our jacuzzi-adorned balcony and I spent a lot of time out there reading, enjoying the sunshine and the view. We were both so sad to leave.



This resort is seriously the greatest if you want a relaxing get-away...there's no reason to even go into the city! With a huge pool, several restaurants and bars, happy hour, a private beach, tons of places to walk around and observe the foliage and a private jacuzzi - not to mention the HUGE, mouth-watering breakfast buffet and 5-star service; why would we want to leave?? We spent several of our days just staying at the resort eating, drinking and watching the real crabs scurry along the beach.







The first day in Krabi, though, we did go on a day-long boat trip with our family and friends. We saw several different islands and did some snorkeling (my first time!) One of the areas where we snorkeled was stunning...I've never seen anything like that coral and some of the fish. It's such a cool feeling to snorkel - you are interacting with and observing nature in its natural habitat, but just as an on-looker - it kind of reminded me of the safari I went on in Tanzania. At one point my dad had some bread that he was feeding to the fish and they were everywhere, surrounding us - it was so surreal!



That night, after the boat trip, Haike and I went into Krabi with our friends from Tianjin - they were only staying one night and we wanted to enjoy some authentic Thai seafood with them. We feasted! We ate pad thai, oysters, king prawns, Thai-curry crab, and lemon-pepper fish. I never use this phrase but OMG!!!! It was to die for and Haike and I readily enjoyed a very similar meal for the next several nights in Krabi.

I suppose I am leaving one of the best stories from Krabi for last...the monkeys! So...we knew there were monkeys around...there was a note in our room saying, "please do not leave your balcony doors open as monkeys may enter your room." We saw a monkey run into my uncle's room on the morning they were leaving - going straight for the complimentary fruit basket. We knew they were there. But what did we do? We left our doors wide open, of course!

Our room had two balconies...one facing the ocean and one on the side which had a small table and couch. One day for lunch we decided to order room service and eat our pizza on the side balcony. We were enjoying the sound of the ocean, the laziness of the day and the unique flavors from our pizza when Haike heard one of the neighbors yelling and gesturing. Haike replied quickly, "What? Monkeys??" He went sprinting into the room through the side door with me close behind. When we got there we met a monkey sitting on a chair, right inside the door of the front balcony. As I stared down the monkey, I shouted to Haike, "Get the banana!" and at that exact moment they both took off - a race to the only remaining banana and our key to getting the monkey out of the room. Haike went around the bed...the monkey went over the bed. Ewww. Haike made it first and threw the banana out the door to the front balcony and I quickly ran and closed the door behind the monkey. HA! Gotcha! You think you're smarter than us, huh?? With our big heads and egos in full bloom, we triumphantly marched back to the side balcony and our waiting lunch. As I turned the corner, I yelped at the sight. Monkey #2 gulping down our pizza, Monkey #1 enjoying the banana that we just gift-wrapped for him. I quickly closed the side door and we both watched as our lunch disappeared before our eyes. We were suckered. Our only comfort came in knowing that many had been suckered, tag-teamed before us. How else could the monkey know to dip the crust into the sauce? How else could he know how to use his teeth to open the ketchup packet? From that moment on, the doors remained closed...



Several days later, we returned to Tianjin - a bit more relaxed, a little more refreshed and, if possible, even more grateful for this incredible experience.

These are the Days (8)

Monday morning I woke up with a heavy heart. Not only did we have to leave paradise today but we had to say goodbye to (most) of our family and friends. I hate goodbyes.

Haike and I started packing right away, which turned out to be a total disaster...our bags were a mess and we had a lot of additional things to squeeze in. After about 30 minutes I needed a break so we went up to have breakfast with everyone. Our guests were in different stages of packing up - some had their bags already waiting patiently to be put in the van, others were searching for any nook or cranny to make all the new purchases fit.

Before anyone left, the picture-taking began! We took pictures together and with the new friends we'd made throughout the week. Then, we pulled in our wedding planners, the resort staff, the waitress who'd helped us all week, even our drivers for more pictures. Everyone was making sure that those new faces would forever be cemented into our memories.







The first group to go was Haike's parents, Yiqi and our Tianjin friends. They were headed into town to either catch their flight or do some more shopping! As I mentioned in an earlier post, the relationship that Haike's mom formed with my family (especially my grandma) was so special. That morning my grandma asked me how to say, "I love you" in Chinese so I taught her. She went to Haike's mom and did the best she could to say it! It was so cute!! When they hugged each other goodbye they were both crying and even Haike could not believe that his mom was crying. It was such a special moment when the car pulled away and my grandma was still wiping at the tears. We talked about how communication just doesn't seem to matter as much - if you connect with someone, you connect no matter how many 'words' you can actually use. This was a big lesson for all of us who witnessed this moment.

The next group to go was mine. Haike and I were headed to Krabi, a seaside city in southern Thailand. (If you look at the map that I posted back on Day 1 you can see where Krabi is in relation to Chiang Mai.) Going along with us for the first few days were my dad, Kristi, grandma, Uncle Mike and two of Haike's best friends from Tianjin. It was what Laura named our, "family honeymoon." Ha! Actually, we were happy to spend more time with them and we knew we would have several days on our own after they had to leave...it ended up working out very well! We said our goodbyes to the remaining five (mom, Lindsey, Laura, Beth and Janine) and headed to the airport to catch our flight to Phuket. This was one scene on the flight in...



We could already see that it was going to be breathtakingly beautiful in Krabi and we could hardly wait for some much needed beach and relaxation time!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...uh, resort... The last five were getting ready for their final sightseeing adventure before taking the red-eye back to the states. Here is one picture from the temple that they visited...



So now the Chiang Mai chapter comes to a close. I truly hope that you have enjoyed this wedding-blitz as I have dug deep into my memories to paint the pictures for you. For those of you who were not there, I hope that from these stories you felt a little bit like you were sitting in one of those white chairs among us. It has been a blessing for me to document these events - to create an 'e-journal' that will always contain this unforgettable week. For those of you who were there, we share a small treasure that can never divide us. You were a colorful flourish on this canvas and you contributed so many details which made this painting a masterpiece. Haike and I will forever be grateful to you for sharing in this special, special week with us. We talked recently about how blessed we are...having so many people that we love in this one exotic place for this one perfect event. You know how they always say, "once in a lifetime." To us, this week was exactly that - it could never be replicated with such perfection. We hope you will carry the same memories of joy, peace and love that we do.

My next, and last post about the events in Thailand, will be some stories from Krabi...stick around to hear about monkeys, an ocean-view room and seafood heaven.