Along with being a relational culture (the importance of guanxi = connections) and a nationalistic culture (extreme patriotism), China is also an "insider" culture. I see this more and more as I live in China and some days feel extremely frustrated by it. When living in a different culture, it is too easy to compare everyday circumstances to those same circumstances in your home culture. I catch myself doing this too often and that is when I become even more aware of how much of an "outsider" I am in this country.
The truth of it is that I'm a "foreigner" and will always be a foreigner here. It is extremely hard for foreigners to get "in" the culture, nearly impossible, in fact. For example, I have a friend here who is an American. He is married to a Taiwanese woman and they have two kids. They've lived in China for 5 years and he is completely fluent in Chinese. They have made this their home but when he walks down the street, he is still looked at and treated as a foreigner, an outsider. The attention turns to him wherever he goes and, as for all of us foreigners, we get must get used to the initial question that is always asked, "What country are you from?" followed by, "why are you in China?" That is the focus, what brings this "outsider" into "our" China?
I'm sure that I've mentioned the staring in this blog before but I'm not sure that I've ever emphasized the extent of it. With my blonde hair, I stick out like a sore thumb...literally. Eyes turn no matter where I walk or what I am doing; I never go unnoticed. I am living in a clear fishbowl with my life on display for all to see. People bike past me and then turn around to continue staring. People will even stop at a window if I am on the other side and stare at me while I eat or play games with friends. I've had foreign friends tell me that when they go to the zoo, the animals are NOT the biggest attraction for the Chinese spectators there. When my students ask what is the hardest thing for me to get used to in China, I always say the staring. It is one thing that I will never adjust to! I have found that as I walk, especially if I am alone, I am usually staring at the ground just to avoid the curious glances of the strangers walking by. I think this phenomena has turned me into somewhat of an introvert, as well. I prefer to stay on campus or in my apartment just to avoid the stress of the stares. (Keep in mind that many foreigners will not "complain" as much about the staring as I do - you're just hearing the side of one girl who does not like the attention focused on her!)
I had another encounter with my "outsiderness" yesterday. I went to a Chinese wedding - a friend of a friend - and was introduced to the groom when I walked in. As soon as I entered the ceremony, a small hush went through the room as I heard "foreigner, Foreigner, FOREIGNER" over and over again (in Chinese, of course.) I did my best to hide myself in a corner of the room but that didn't save me. During the ceremony the M.C. (yes, they have M.C.'s at Chinese wedding ceremonies) said, in Chinese, to the bride and groom, "you have so many friends here, even a foreign friend!" And, at that, all 200 pairs of eyes in the room turned to me (because of course they all knew exactly where I was) and my face turned the color of a very ripe tomato. The thing is, I KNEW this would happen and I tried to prevent it by looking as inconspicuous as possible - clothing less than ordinary, hair pulled back, quiet demeanor...nothing to attract attention. After I got past the humiliation of being publicly acknowledged at a stranger's wedding simply because I'm a foreigner, I started to play the dreaded "comparison game." I wondered, would this ever happen in the U.S? And if it did, if I got married and specifically pointed out during the ceremony that there was an "outsider" present, what would the reaction be?
Maybe I'm thinking too much about this or looking into it too much but I certainly reach the point sometimes where I wish I could pull on an invisibility cloak or, at the least, simply be common in this culture....nothing special. My conclusion...impossible...I will always be an outsider.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Tianjin, China 2007-2010
About Me
- TianjinShannon
- Tianjin, China
- This blog is for anyone who wants to hear about my adventures teaching English in China this next year. Enjoy and please keep in touch! Shannon :)
4 comments:
I completely know how you feel Shannon! Unfortunately whenever I go out with Madison, we get stared at even more than when I am alone!!! I hope someday we can get used to the stares!
Hey Shan,
It is definitely a weird feeling. I got a small taste of it when I was there. You are very brave for putting yourself out there everyday, and I'm glad that the U.S. has such a good ambassador to represent us in China!
Yeah, sometimes getting the special treatment doesn't feel so... 'special.'
We just recently found out that to Chinese people, we're still "foreigners" even in Canada! Even here they call white people laowai and waiguoren. It was funny when we found out, but I totally hear you about how there are times when you're just sick and tired of constantly being reminded that you're an outsider. But I guess the more they get used to us, the better it will get.
We're already bracing for what happens when we bring our foreign infant back to Tianjin...
As a Chinese,I am always stared when I talk with foreigners in public places,too!People first look at the foreigners and then quickly pay their attention to me and say:"Wow,that girl can speak English!"That makes me uncomfortable, and as you said in your blog, perhaps that turns a person into a introvert. So I completely understand how you feel.
Children are taught not to stare at anyone whenever they think the person is "different" when they are at school. Unfortunately, their parents always overact when they see someone "different".Then the children start doing so, then the bad habit becomes very common and never comes to an end.
Inmagine how difficult it is to educate 1.3 billion people!There are still 150 million Chinese people living a poor life. How can I expect them to care about "etiquette" and education more than a life without hunger? Whenever I think about this, I feel sorry for those who are not able to get good education and then I stop compaining about those who litter, smoke in public, spit,top-naked in summer,take off the shoes on buses or talk loudly in public.
I remember you said:Living in China has given me great tolerance for just about everything. I like this saying of yours!I'd like to add one more sentence:...but there are still TONS OF things in this country to be appreciated. :)
Post a Comment