About 2 weeks ago I attended a banquet that was held for the foreign teachers in the English Department at my school. While I was there I met one of the leaders of the school and I chatted with him briefly. About 4 days later he showed up at my door, with his fiance, and asked if I would attend their wedding the following week - the famous "ask at the last minute" tactic which is highly used among the Chinese! Of course I agreed! Fast-forward to last Thursday, 3 days before the wedding. I ran into Mr. Gao, aka Frank, on campus and he asked me to step into his car so that he could give me the formal invitation to the wedding. He informed me that he had been working at the school for 17 years; therefore he could not invite everyone and didn't want to make it too public. That got me wondering, "Why would he invite someone that he's only talked to once...me!?!?!" He also asked what I would be wearing and suggested that I not wear black or white but something that was pink or red since I am "so beautiful." Now, this could all be sounding very scandalous but it's actually very innocent - colors have extremely important significance in this culture. After consulting some students who told me to wear jeans to the wedding, I decided on khakis and a pink top and it ended up being a good decision...I didn't stand out (anymore than usual.)
Now, the wedding...
Myself and three other foreigners were invited to the wedding and I think that I was included for three reasons:
1. As colors are symbolic, so are numbers and they wanted to have an even number of foreigners represented.
2. As a status symbol - if there are foreigners present at the wedding then it gives the bride and groom "face" (I'll save an expansion into "face" for another blog.) Basically, it shows that their status is higher because they have foreign friends. We were given seats at the front of the room and were included in the bridal party photos. Actually, I was included in more than the other foreigners - being young and blonde makes me a good photo-op.
3. At the teacher's banquet, Mr. Gao briefly mentioned that he would like me to edit a Business English book that he is writing. My only qualification, and the only one that is needed, is that I can speak English. I showed some hesitancy when I was asked but now that I have attended his wedding, I think I will soon be adding "book editor" to my resume.
Chinese weddings are SO VERY DIFFERENT from Western weddings. First of all, the ceremony and reception are held in the same location - very rarely are they held in churches as is custom in the U.S. The wedding is held in a hotel or restaurant and when you go in you are immediately seated at the table that you will remain at for the meal. The location is decorated with flowers and candles - below is a small section of the flower arch that the couple walked under when they entered.
When the wedding is going to begin everyone gathers outside and waits for the bride to arrive. She comes in a car with her parents and the groom goes to open the door for her. Traditionally, the bride will refuse to get out of the car until the groom bows three times as a way of begging, "Please marry me today!!" They enter together and a series of toasts and speeches is started that goes on for about an hour. Also, during this time they honor the parents of the couple and ask for different blessings. There is no exchanging of vows or really any formality - it is very casual and people are chatting and eating while the toasts are going on.
After the ceremony the meal is served and it is a feast! There were 6 people sitting at my table and we had close to 25 dishes served. Normally when 6 people are at a table, you will order 6 or 7 dishes so that can give you an idea of how much food this is! The banquet will take around 2 hours and while the guests get to chow down, the couple goes from table to table giving toasts. The guests then present the couple with a hong bao, a red envelope, that has some money inside. Another tradition is that the bride changes her dress three times. She started out in the white gown, then changed into a gold one and finally a red qi pao, a traditional Chinese dress. See the pictures of the dresses below!
I apologize for the length of this but there is just so much to tell about Chinese weddings! I just included some of the main things - I won't even get into the flow of alcohol! One last thing...in this first picture you can see the bride and groom with me and my three co-workers. Maybe you can see that the bride is holding my hand - we have never spoken to each other but she was so excited to see me there that she grabbed my hand every time I was beckoned for a picture. It is common, and NORMAL, for Chinese women to hold hands and link arms wherever they are going...stay tuned, this is also a topic for another blog, another day...
Congratulations, Mr. Gao and Ms. Zhou! :)
1 comment:
So very interesting!
What priceless experiences you are getting in just 1 year.
I really enjoy reading all about them
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